Kevin Bentley is an evil, soulless wretch, and has caused me nothing but pain, misery and utter suicidal despair.

We were once (I thought) best friends. I remember the first day of school, a frightened Kevin stood all alone in the corner of the playground and only I cared enough to talk to him. Our first few years of friendship were great, we would hang out at each other’s homes, sit next to each other in class, share our toys and video games but alas then puberty arrived and although it was remorseless to me, (my nickname was pizza face) it transformed the runty Kevin into an adonis,  and that’s when his utter cruelty began.