09/04/2012
Mildred Addams is an eyesore! Did her mum marry a gorilla? She’s a girl from school, built with the size and dimensions of a stone boulder, so shave her head and plonk her outside a nightclub and you’ve got yourself a bouncer. I swear if I pull down her knickers I’ll see her willy.
Anyway, come lunchtime, whilst me and my girlfriends are hanging out by the picnic tables, she’ll be there, eating by herself, her miserable stink putting me right off my lunch. Delia tells me to ignore her but I’m going to give it to golem girl someday.
11/04/2012
Yeah, I did it, I told Mildred what I thought of her. I said that jeez was she ever ugly and how it’s not just my opinion, everyone in school sees her as a gross blemish. I then asked her plainly could she please not sit near us at lunch anymore. If anything, she’s being selfish by polluting our line of sight. Cruel of me? Maybe but I’m just telling it like it is.
12/04/2012
Low and behold, Mildred’s stopped mooching around the picnic tables and I couldn’t be happier.
15/04/2012
God, I couldn’t help myself today, I saw Mildred enter the toilet stall next to mine and I had a naughty idea. I peed into my cupped hands and as Mildred sat down, I leapt up on my seat and flung nice warm pee all over her! I was laughing so hard as she spluttered like the retard she is. Sure, I’m a prankster but can you blame me? It’s disgusting how nice all the grown-ups are to Mildred, trying to help her “come out of her shell” and “realize her full potential” when in fact, she’s just an idiot.
All in all, Mildred Addams is better off sterilized before she contaminates the next gen’s gene pool.
07/04/2026
Today at work for some reason, the talk about what we were like at school came up. Jody swore she spent most of sixth form stoned out the bejesus and Gerald, blandest man alive, showed us a photo of his edgy goth phase. As for me? Well, despite everyone else almost bragging about being fucked up as teens, I at least was a decent kid. Everyone’s friend, kind, caring, thoughtful and never had a bad word for anyone. Is it vain of me to think this? I wouldn’t say so, I’m just being honest.
But Mildred (whom I’ve mentally dubbed gorilla girl) coughed and said I wasn’t that nice. She insisted I went to school with her, but she must have made no impression on me because I can’t recall her at all.
