{"id":968,"date":"2021-09-26T19:38:03","date_gmt":"2021-09-26T19:38:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/?p=968"},"modified":"2021-10-09T14:07:55","modified_gmt":"2021-10-09T14:07:55","slug":"the-mission-statement","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/the-mission-statement\/968\/","title":{"rendered":"The Mission Statement"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWe exist to progressively leverage existing world-class total linkage in order that we may efficiently develop low-risk, high-yield e-business with 100% on-time delivery.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bernard Brightman, acting sales manager for Hayter Hair Products, held up a plaque to his staff. \u201cWhat do you think?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Emily popped her bubble-gum and walked out muttering. The remaining employees just looked at each other. Silence descended on the staff room.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWell?\u201d Bernard eyed them, his face slowly hang-dogging. \u201cDoes anyone have anything to say? This is important, guys. Mister Hayter is visiting to sign this off.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

Emily stuck her head around the door. \u201cIt\u2019s gibberish, Bernard.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWell,\u201d said Bernard, \u201cthat\u2019s what we expect from the warehouse. Whilst we in sales have a mission, you just turn up and take your pay. No vision, Emily, absolutely no vision.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThat\u2019s unkind, Bernard,\u201d Tony Sadiq said, \u201cwithout Em getting our deliveries out on time, we\u2019d be in a right jam.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThat\u2019s right,\u201d Emily winked at Tony, \u201cyou\u2019d be screwed. Anyway, Hayter\u2019s not coming here to sign off your mission statement. Ali at HQ told me he has two reasons. To fill the sales manager vacancy, and to rationalise headcount in line with modern business practices, which is bollocks-talk for sackings.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bernard stood stock still, staring at Emily as she popped her bubble-gum again. \u201cSackings? That can\u2019t be true, we\u2019ve achieved global standards in an increasingly competitive Euro-Theatre downturn.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHave you, bollocks?\u201d Emily rolled her eyes. \u201cI see what\u2019s going out the door and since Paul cleared off, it\u2019s gone from a gush to a dribble.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bernard slumped into his chair. \u201cBut\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He started to speak, but for once words eluded him and visions of being shown the door, having to tell his wife, begging the bank not to foreclose, all swam menacingly before him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhat can we do?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWell,\u201d Emily said, \u201cyou can stop buggering around with gibberish and start doing some actual selling.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cBut we\u2019re following the ten-point, double-bagger, sure-close sales method to the letter. I don\u2019t know what else we can do.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThat, Bernard, is exactly the problem,\u201d said Emily. \u201cLook, leave it to me. My sister is in the hair dressing game. I\u2019ll have a word.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The next day, the phones starting ringing and orders flooded in. They passed the regional sales record by eleven and after lunch, the European sales record fell to the tide of Bernard\u2019s order taking. By close of business, ties were off, sleeves rolled up, and the sales bell clanged continuously.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Emily poked her head around the door to the sales office. \u201cHow\u2019s it going, Bern?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThrough the roof, Emily,\u201d he gasped as he wrote up another order, \u201cthrough the proverbial roof.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She winked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 \u201cHow did you do it?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cEasy,\u201d she said. \u201cI told my sister Marco Products are going bust. It was all round the county by lunchtime.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cBut they\u2019re not,\u201d Bernard looked mortified, \u201cthat\u2019s an outright lie.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThat,\u201d said Emily with a wink, \u201cis progressive leveraging, Bernard. You just need a bit of vision.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cWe exist to progressively leverage existing world-class total linkage in order that we may efficiently develop low-risk, high-yield e-business with 100% on-time delivery.\u201d Bernard Brightman, acting sales manager for Hayter Hair Products, held up a plaque to his staff. \u201cWhat do you think?\u201d Emily popped her bubble-gum and walked out muttering. The remaining employees just […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"rop_custom_images_group":[],"rop_custom_messages_group":[],"rop_publish_now":"initial","rop_publish_now_accounts":{"facebook_10158782359051062_103813597863211":"","twitter_1225722811282530305_1225722811282530305":""},"rop_publish_now_history":[],"rop_publish_now_status":"pending","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[379,561],"tags":[566,564],"class_list":["post-968","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-379","category-october-2021-the-mission","tag-mission-statement","tag-sales"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pbrNJE-fC","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"post_mailing_queue_ids":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/968","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=968"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/968\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":970,"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/968\/revisions\/970"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=968"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=968"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=968"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}