I\u2019m trapped in a tiny flat with my two mortal enemies.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We were okay at first, seeing each other in small doses but now lockdown\u2019s struck, all we can do is either sulk in our cramped bedrooms or spend every second in each other\u2019s company. As it turns out we really don\u2019t like each other very much. Oh, sure before we\u2019d sometimes go to the pub or go to the cinema but by and large we were casual acquaintances, which is how it should be.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
John\u2019s a carefree kind of guy, enduring in some circumstances and pretty damn funny. Samson\u2019s the adventurer, the walls of his bedroom are covered in photographs of him standing by the Grand Canyon and the Great Pyramids and even riding elephants.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n
So not bad guys or so I thought.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
After lockdown, all their minor quirks have become major grievances, like John\u2019s single party trick of performing the Darth Vader theme tune entirely by armpit farts. First time he did it I thought it was hilarious but after hearing it for the millionth time I have to admit, it\u2019s starting to lose its appeal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Samson meanwhile deprived of going out and about, now doesn\u2019t do a bloody thing but pace around like a caged animal, gritting his teeth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He\u2019s shite at hiding his bad moods. If you ask what\u2019s bugging him, he\u2019ll grunt and reply he\u2019s fine when sounding anything but. Thing is though, you can\u2019t overlook his bad temper. If you and he are watching TV or playing cards and he\u2019s mad (which is most of the time nowadays) you can never ignore it and relax.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It isn\u2019t his fault, not really. Nobody is meant to live in a cupboard with no job, no physical contact with the outside world and no end in sight.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The worst moment for moi came when I was out in the hall fixing a lightbulb and I happened to overhear John and Samson in the living room, talking about me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cOh man,\u201d John was saying \u201che can\u2019t handle criticism, give him one iota of criticism and he explodes.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI hate agreeing with you but Christ, you\u2019re right,\u201d Samson replied \u201cThinnest skin this side of Mars. Plus, have you ever seen him seethe when the spotlight\u2019s on somebody else or when he talks his head off about his accomplishments? God help you if you look underwhelmed, he\u2019ll act as if you called his mum a whore.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
They went on to list my many faults and it hurts because these two guys who have gotten to know me pretty well were now confirming that every bad thing, I secretly suspect about myself is completely true.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I fucking hate lockdown.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I\u2019m trapped in a tiny flat with my two mortal enemies. We were okay at first, seeing each other in small doses but now lockdown\u2019s struck, all we can do is either sulk in our cramped bedrooms or spend every second in each other\u2019s company. As it turns out we really don\u2019t like each other […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"rop_custom_images_group":[],"rop_custom_messages_group":[],"rop_publish_now":"initial","rop_publish_now_accounts":{"facebook_10158782359051062_103813597863211":"","twitter_1225722811282530305_1225722811282530305":""},"rop_publish_now_history":[],"rop_publish_now_status":"pending","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"A new story from Swansea Writers\nI Fucking Hate Lockdown\n#flashfiction","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[121,313],"tags":[333,334,314],"class_list":["post-621","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-121","category-october-2020-lockdown","tag-fucking","tag-hate","tag-lockdown"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pbrNJE-a1","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"post_mailing_queue_ids":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/621","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=621"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/621\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":622,"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/621\/revisions\/622"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=621"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=621"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=621"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}