{"id":2446,"date":"2025-07-21T07:39:19","date_gmt":"2025-07-21T07:39:19","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/?p=2446"},"modified":"2025-07-21T07:39:24","modified_gmt":"2025-07-21T07:39:24","slug":"wannabe","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wannabe\/2446\/","title":{"rendered":"Wannabe"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>That old ad is doing the rounds on social media again. It has always haunted me, but after the day I\u2019ve had at work, I\u2019m regretting my life choices more than ever. I indulge myself by dialling the number.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cIs it too late?\u201d I\u2019ll say. I sigh when a recorded message tells me that my call cannot be connected.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; I know exactly where I was on Friday 4<sup>th<\/sup> March 1994. It was mum\u2019s fortieth birthday, so I had trudged into town after sixth-form college to browse the shops for a gift.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; The mirror had caught my eye immediately amongst all the other bric-a-brac, emitting a soft golden glow under the lights. It had been relegated to the back of a shelf behind five dusty dolls, which I ceremoniously brushed aside.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Meanwhile, two hours away in a London dance studio, Mel B was belting out The Greatest Love of All. There was still time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; \u201cHow much is this?\u201d I said to the shop assistant, catching her kohl-rimmed eye in the reflection.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; She shrugged. \u201cWhat does the tag say?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; There was none. It had fallen off. \u201cMust be free!\u201d I laughed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; \u201cGo on then,\u201d she said, and went back to reading her book.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; I tucked it under my arm and ran out before she could change her mind, feeling like it was my lucky day. And maybe it was. What a shame, then, that when I headed into the newsagents next door for a birthday card, I didn\u2019t grab a copy of Stage magazine and find the audition ad inside. I was so close to the train station, too. Victoria was probably performing her musical theatre number as I walked out of the shop, the door tinkling shut behind me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; What would I have sung? Probably something by Kylie. Luckily for Emma Bunton, I did not. Instead, I went home and watched Neighbours.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Mum still has that mirror in her downstairs toilet. Something propels me over there now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; My voice echoes in the tiny cubicle. \u201cMum, why\u2019s the mirror so high up? You can\u2019t even see yourself!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; She appears in the doorway. \u201cHuh? Oh, that mirror. It\u2019s beautiful but I look awful in it. All haggard and grief-stricken. The room looks different too. It freaks me out, so I keep it out of sight.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; I\u2019m intrigued. Standing on the toilet seat, I\u2019m eye-level with the mirror. She\u2019s right about the room. A luxury bathroom suite reflects back at me, not this dingy little cubby-hole. But that isn\u2019t the thing that makes me almost topple off the toilet. It\u2019s the fact that I have no reflection.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Pictures adorn the walls in the premium bathroom. I reach for my phone, hands shaking as I take a snap and zoom in.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; And there I am. Hair in bunches, flanked by the other Spice Girls. But what\u2019s that beside it? A framed newspaper clipping. I zoom in further.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; \u201cJealous fan Emma Bunton imprisoned for the murder of Baby Spice.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; I lift the toilet seat and vomit.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>That old ad is doing the rounds on social media again. It has always haunted me, but after the day I\u2019ve had at work, I\u2019m regretting my life choices more than ever. I indulge myself by dialling the number. \u201cIs it too late?\u201d I\u2019ll say. I sigh when a recorded message tells me that my [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"rop_custom_images_group":[],"rop_custom_messages_group":[],"rop_publish_now":"no","rop_publish_now_accounts":{"facebook_10158782359051062_103813597863211":"","twitter_1225722811282530305_1225722811282530305":""},"rop_publish_now_history":[{"account":"facebook_10158782359051062_103813597863211","service":"facebook","timestamp":1753083659,"status":"success"},{"account":"twitter_1225722811282530305_1225722811282530305","service":"twitter","timestamp":1753083662,"status":"error"}],"rop_publish_now_status":"done","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1490,1646],"tags":[1364,56,670,95,7,13,12,73,128,978,14,742,11,159,172],"class_list":["post-2446","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-1490","category-the-mirror","tag-ad","tag-after","tag-day","tag-had","tag-her","tag-me","tag-my","tag-number","tag-out","tag-say","tag-she","tag-too","tag-was","tag-what","tag-when"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/sbrNJE-wannabe","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"post_mailing_queue_ids":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2446","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2446"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2446\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2447,"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2446\/revisions\/2447"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2446"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2446"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2446"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}