The president\u2019s plane took off from Paris. He was going home. Before reaching the Atlantic, there was a huge explosion of lightning in the sky like Armageddon. It struck the plane, a wing caught fire, smoke was billowing everywhere.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Parachute! Parachute!\u2019 the captain shouted. \u2018Prepare the president for emergency exit.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Two of the crew bundled him out of the toilet where he\u2019d been tweeting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Hey, what about my pants?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Strap this on!\u2019 one guy shouted.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Open exit door!\u2019 said the second.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Release!\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The president, falling to earth, trouserless, looked up at the plane wreathed in fire. Next thing he knew his parachute was snagged on top of a metal tower, the heavens still electrically charged with tongues of lightning.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n
I have seen the wrath of God. Aimed at my opponents<\/em>! he tweeted. TRUST ME!<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n A teenager on Blackpool beach rang 999.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018Fire service! There\u2019s a bloke wi\u2019out his kecks dangling from top of t\u2019 tower. What? Drunk? I ain\u2019t chuffin` drunk!\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n The U.K. prime minister got an urgent call from the White House.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018We\u2019re watching it unfold by satellite. His underpants have blown off in the gale.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018He\u2019s such a show off,\u2019 the British P.M. mumbled.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018And his wig. Get your rescue services up there NOW! A replacement toupee. Orange. And outsize underwear. NOW!\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n A woman using the beach telescope was scrutinising the President\u2019s genitalia.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018My. That Stormy Daniels was right. As tiny as a stickleback.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n The president, dangling by the snagged parachute, tweeted: Aircraft crash? FAKE NEWS. I\u2019m on the Eiffel Tower. Great view folks.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n A fire engine wailed, the crowds got out of its road. The afternoon sky was raining. The lightning continued to crackle.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Evens he falls before the fire service get him<\/em>, a local turf accountant\u2019s website said. Two to one major injuries. Three to one he\u2019s mentally incapacitated.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n How will we know?<\/em> a regular punter posted on the site.<\/p>\n\n\n\n A phalanx of firefighters swarmed up the five hundred feet tower. They cut away his parachute bindings and got a winch on him. They lowered him gently like a nurse with a new-born infant.<\/p>\n\n\n\n French firefighters. Almost as good as U.S. I\u2019ll cut French trade tariffs, <\/em>he tweeted from his celestial cradle.<\/p>\n\n\n\n When he reached the ground, he said: \u2018They gave me a bad pilot. Bad. I\u2019m firing the chief of the airforce. Incompetent.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n When told by a journalist he wasn\u2019t in France but Blackpool, he said:<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018Hey! You got a golf course. Links, right? I\u2019m unbeatable on links.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018Where next for you?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018Greenland, then Canada and Panama. Gonna plant the American flag on them. MAGA! After that, the Trump Gaza riviera.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018What about global warming, sir?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018Fake news. Drill baby drill!\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n He departed, a Blackpool towel, toga-like, around his midriff, an object like an askew Belisha beacon on his head.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018He\u2019s the sort of leader this country needs post-Brexit,\u2019 a woman told BBC Blackpool.<\/p>\n\n\n\n A large pair of underpants flew down from the tower, wrapping themselves around her head, silencing her.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" The president\u2019s plane took off from Paris. He was going home. Before reaching the Atlantic, there was a huge explosion of lightning in the sky like Armageddon. It struck the plane, a wing caught fire, smoke was billowing everywhere. \u2018Parachute! Parachute!\u2019 the captain shouted. \u2018Prepare the president for emergency exit.\u2019 Two of the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"rop_custom_images_group":[],"rop_custom_messages_group":[],"rop_publish_now":"initial","rop_publish_now_accounts":{"facebook_10158782359051062_103813597863211":"","twitter_1225722811282530305_1225722811282530305":""},"rop_publish_now_history":[],"rop_publish_now_status":"pending","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1490,1518],"tags":[1526,370,8,20,1525,12,1350,128,1523,1489,1185,191,1524,74,11],"class_list":["post-2312","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-1490","category-february-2025-rescue","tag-blackpool","tag-fire","tag-he","tag-his","tag-lightning","tag-my","tag-off","tag-out","tag-parachute","tag-plane","tag-president","tag-there","tag-tower","tag-up","tag-was"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pbrNJE-Bi","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"post_mailing_queue_ids":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2312","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2312"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2312\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2313,"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2312\/revisions\/2313"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2312"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2312"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2312"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}