{"id":2077,"date":"2024-06-11T08:00:09","date_gmt":"2024-06-11T08:00:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/?p=2077"},"modified":"2024-06-11T08:00:13","modified_gmt":"2024-06-11T08:00:13","slug":"romans-1219-vengeance-is-mine-i-will-repay-says-the-lord","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/romans-1219-vengeance-is-mine-i-will-repay-says-the-lord\/2077\/","title":{"rendered":"Romans 12:19. Vengeance is Mine, I will repay, says the Lord."},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Darren, God\u2019s second son, was worried about the family\u2019s legacy. Dad had an image problem, so he went to see him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cDad,\u201d he said. \u201cWe need to give you a makeover.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhat for?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAll this divine retribution stuff,\u201d Darren said. \u201cIt doesn\u2019t play well. We need PR.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhere are we going to get that?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cRing the Pope.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

So, God did.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHello, is that Pope Sandra?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYes, new phone, who dis?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThis is God.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhat?\u201d Pope Sandra gasped. She hadn\u2019t realised God would actually call her. \u201cTHE God. The one with all the capital letters?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThat one. Listen, I need a favour.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cSay the word.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cPlease,\u201d said God.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNo, not that one,\u201d she said. \u201cAsk me anything.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI need a PR guy. Or at least my son says I do.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cJesus?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNo, Darren, my second son.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYou have a SECOND son. FFS wait \u2018til the Cardinals get a load of this. As it happens I have just the guy.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cGood,\u201d said God, \u201cwhat\u2019s his name?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cSol Vogelstein,\u201d she replied.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cSend him up.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHow does he get there?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThe usual way.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI get your drift.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pope Sandra sent an email to Vogelstein. \u201cSol, get your arse over to the Vatican pronto. I have a job for you.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

An hour later, Vogelstein stood before the Pontiff, who explained the task to him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cGod? Oy, that\u2019s a proper job. I\u2019ll do it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, the Pontiff shot him, and he found himself standing before God.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNice place,\u201d he observed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThanks. I need a PR makeover. All I seem to be known for these days is divine retribution.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThat\u2019s what I do, although my price is pretty steep.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cName it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cMy ex-wife, Breina\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThe one who ran off with her tennis coach?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHow did you\u2026?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cGod, remember.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOh yeah. Well, I want you to fix it so that she\u2019s unhappy for the rest of her life.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNo problem,\u201d God said, \u201cconsider it done.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAnd I want to go back to Earth as a much younger man, who is rich and handsome.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cDone.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cRight, let\u2019s get to work then.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sol changed God\u2019s image: the full Hollywood treatment. It was so successful God enjoyed a better rep than Keanu. He even got invited to parties in the Hamptons.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI want to thank you for everything, Sol,\u201d God said when it was time for him to go. \u201cIf you look in this mirror, you\u2019ll see I\u2019ve fulfilled my part of the bargain. There\u2019s just one thing.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s that?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYou know you wanted Breina to be unhappy for the rest of her life?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYeah?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhen you get down there, you\u2019ll find she\u2019s still your wife, only she sees you as you used to be. What\u2019s more it\u2019s an unbreakable pact. You\u2019re stuck with each other for ever. Man, is she not happy about THAT.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sol scowled. \u201cI thought you were going to stop the divine retribution stuff.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cGotta keep my hand in. Now if you\u2019ll excuse me, I have a party to go to. CU.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Darren, God\u2019s second son, was worried about the family\u2019s legacy. Dad had an image problem, so he went to see him. \u201cDad,\u201d he said. \u201cWe need to give you a makeover.\u201d \u201cWhat for?\u201d \u201cAll this divine retribution stuff,\u201d Darren said. \u201cIt doesn\u2019t play well. We need PR.\u201d \u201cWhere are we going to get that?\u201d \u201cRing […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"rop_custom_images_group":[],"rop_custom_messages_group":[],"rop_publish_now":"yes","rop_publish_now_accounts":{"facebook_10158782359051062_103813597863211":"","twitter_1225722811282530305_1225722811282530305":""},"rop_publish_now_history":[],"rop_publish_now_status":"pending","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1129,1305],"tags":[1308,991,23,8,122,12,957,1307,9,982,14,651,1066,159,160],"class_list":["post-2077","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-1129","category-june-2024-retribution","tag-darren","tag-get","tag-god","tag-he","tag-him","tag-my","tag-need","tag-pope","tag-said","tag-second","tag-she","tag-so","tag-son","tag-what","tag-who"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pbrNJE-xv","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"post_mailing_queue_ids":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2077","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2077"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2077\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2079,"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2077\/revisions\/2079"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2077"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2077"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2077"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}