{"id":1958,"date":"2024-02-22T10:36:14","date_gmt":"2024-02-22T10:36:14","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/?p=1958"},"modified":"2024-02-22T10:36:21","modified_gmt":"2024-02-22T10:36:21","slug":"perfect-day","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/perfect-day\/1958\/","title":{"rendered":"Perfect Day"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Alfie disappears into the classroom without looking back. It swallows him whole. That\u2019s good, I tell myself. He\u2019s happy and I\u2019m free to be \u2018me\u2019 again. It\u2019s terrifying.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Turning towards the gate, I focus on the shiny new stilettoes that I hoped would bring me confidence. But I feel ridiculous. A pool of sweat is collecting beneath the too-tight waistband of my trousers, the material straining to contain my bulging flesh. Why did I let Ben convince me to pursue a career again, at my age? Asking his university colleagues to consider me for a job? They\u2019ll see right through me. Inadequate. Embarrassing. Fat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

I reach the car and suddenly I\u2019m aware of two things with absolute certainty. 1. I\u2019m not going to the interview this morning, and 2. \u2018He\u2019 is behind me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cJess,\u201d he whispers. I shiver.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201c\u2026and then later, when it gets dark, we go home,\u201d crows Lou Reed through the car radio. At the crossroads I turn left towards the train station, instead of right towards the university.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cDid you miss me?\u201d My body tingles as he runs his hands across my thighs from the passenger seat, feeling for softness, wobbles and imperfections.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He tuts. \u201cIt\u2019s ok, I\u2019m here now.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I allow his voice to soothe me. With him, there\u2019s no mess or uncertainty.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After we\u2019ve been on the train for an hour, my anxiety peeling away with the scenery, my phone vibrates, shattering the peace. Ben\u2019s name flashes up on the screen. He calmly takes it and switches it off, just as the buffet cart clatters past.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I say no to the woman\u2019s breezy, \u201cAny snacks?\u201d  He pats my stomach and says, \u201cGood girl.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The train rattles on and it\u2019s like being rocked in a crib.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

*<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We stride in purposeful silence out of Paddington station, down Edgware Road, and into Hyde Park where the Serpentine beckons, glistening with stardust.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once we\u2019re seated in one of the blue and white rowing boats, the lapping water lulls me into a daze.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cCome back to me?\u201d he says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My eyes brim with tears. \u201cMy family….\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He stops rowing and the boat drifts sideways. \u201cYou abandoned me for years and now look at you. You\u2019re a fat mess! Your family can\u2019t care for you like I can.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

His words hit me like icy water. He\u2019s never cared about me. He wants to destroy me. I\u2019ll never be free with him lurking in the shadows. He must go, for good this time. I owe it to Ben and Alfie.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I reach down, prize off my shoe, and with an adrenaline-charged supernatural force, rain blow after blow onto his head, heel against skull. Clunk. Clunk. Clunk. I watch as if from the sidelines.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Silence. The boat bobs gently and the sound of distant laughter floats in, occupying the space his voice used to be.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Stepping off the boat I\u2019m re-born, landing on solid, safe ground. I switch on my phone. Time to go home and face the music.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But first, lunch.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Alfie disappears into the classroom without looking back. It swallows him whole. That\u2019s good, I tell myself. He\u2019s happy and I\u2019m free to be \u2018me\u2019 again. It\u2019s terrifying. Turning towards the gate, I focus on the shiny new stilettoes that I hoped would bring me confidence. But I feel ridiculous. A pool of sweat is […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"rop_custom_images_group":[],"rop_custom_messages_group":[],"rop_publish_now":"no","rop_publish_now_accounts":{"facebook_10158782359051062_103813597863211":"","twitter_1225722811282530305_1225722811282530305":""},"rop_publish_now_history":[{"account":"facebook_10158782359051062_103813597863211","service":"facebook","timestamp":1752596372,"status":"success"},{"account":"twitter_1225722811282530305_1225722811282530305","service":"twitter","timestamp":1752596633,"status":"error"}],"rop_publish_now_status":"done","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1129,1154],"tags":[289,1183,1006,1182,8,122,20,167,13,12,988,745,1180,1181,1184],"class_list":["post-1958","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-1129","category-feb-2024-crossroads","tag-again","tag-ben","tag-did","tag-good","tag-he","tag-him","tag-his","tag-into","tag-me","tag-my","tag-right","tag-through","tag-towards","tag-train","tag-university"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pbrNJE-vA","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"post_mailing_queue_ids":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1958","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1958"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1958\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1960,"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1958\/revisions\/1960"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1958"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1958"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1958"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}