{"id":1635,"date":"2023-06-13T20:13:29","date_gmt":"2023-06-13T20:13:29","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/?p=1635"},"modified":"2023-06-13T20:13:34","modified_gmt":"2023-06-13T20:13:34","slug":"hear-me-out-heres-a-pitch","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/hear-me-out-heres-a-pitch\/1635\/","title":{"rendered":"Hear me out! Here\u2019s a pitch!"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Okay, there\u2019s certain stories you really dig. Sometimes it\u2019s high art that you feel smart for liking. An approving conscience says well done, yada-yada.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes you like silly fluff for reasons you can\u2019t justify but it was Crimson Camel who said a good paperback is preferable to bad literature.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Think about it, what would you rather eat, a fresh big mac or mouldy caviar?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, this story, penned by the always entertaining Arizona Davies, takes us to a modest house. It\u2019s during lockdown and two people are fucking.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

They\u2019re roleplaying with the guy doing a hearty pirate voice: \u201cYer be my kidnapped wrench ha-ha\u201d but the gal decides to dial up the romance instead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI love you,\u201d she states with puppy eyes \u201cMy heart aches for you.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He frowns somewhat puzzled.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

\u201cOh, don\u2019t worry,\u201d she laughs \u201cit\u2019s all just make-believe, doesn\u2019t mean anything!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is Gloria Parker and her housemate with benefits, Mark Decker.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mark is earnest and guileless, and you know he\u2019d drive you two hundred miles to the airport in short notice because that\u2019s the type of guy he is.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Gloria? She presents herself as an indifferent cynical bitch, but we soon figure out, this isn\u2019t who she really is. It\u2019s what she tries to be after being hurt too many times.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Details of her life emerge, parents divorce when she\u2019s young, marry other people, have more kids and Gloria\u2019s been thrown between two families, never feeling like she belongs to either. A heart-breaking moment is when she holds up two framed photographs of both her families vacationing at Disneyland and she\u2019s nowhere to be seen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The rest of her life, romantic and social, isn\u2019t a lot better. Cheating boyfriends, backstabbing pals, etc, so she\u2019s got all kinds of trust issues.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Befriending Mark and sharing a house with him to escape her dingy cramped apartment is a big step for her, but then lockdown strikes and all they have is each other.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why sleep together? Gloria tells him that she\u2019s horny, she\u2019s lonely and it\u2019s something to do, doesn\u2019t mean anything. BULLSHIT! The way she looks at him half the time, snuggling up after lovemaking, lighting up when he enters the room, this means everything to her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Is this realistic? Man, who cares? Sure, in real life \u201cfriends with benefits\u201d rarely work out so rather than deliver the bummer ending, Davies gives us the ending we want.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mark, ever the dutiful boy scout makes sure they have condoms, spermicide, morning after pills at the ready but Gloria announces one night: \u201cWe\u2019re doing it raw!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yeah, she\u2019s got the naughty look in her eyes and assures Mark that \u201cI\u2019m on the pill. What\u2019s the matter? Scared you might knock me up?\u201d That last part makes Mark a bit more vigorous than usual.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And wouldn\u2019t you know it, soon a flustered Gloria holds up a positive pregnancy test: \u201cOh god, don\u2019t tell me I forgot my pills on purpose!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now that\u2019s just act one\u2026<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Details of her life emerge, parents divorce when she\u2019s young, marry other people, have more kids and Gloria\u2019s been thrown between two families, never feeling like she belongs to either. A heart-breaking moment is when she holds up two framed photographs of both her families vacationing at Disneyland and she\u2019s nowhere to be seen.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"rop_custom_images_group":[],"rop_custom_messages_group":[],"rop_publish_now":"initial","rop_publish_now_accounts":{"facebook_10158782359051062_103813597863211":"","twitter_1225722811282530305_1225722811282530305":""},"rop_publish_now_history":[],"rop_publish_now_status":"pending","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[782],"tags":[46,114,787,8,7,116,788,128,769,14,789,755,159,160,790],"class_list":["post-1635","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-june-2023-home-sweet-home","tag-big","tag-but","tag-gloria","tag-he","tag-her","tag-like","tag-mark","tag-out","tag-really","tag-she","tag-sometimes","tag-two","tag-what","tag-who","tag-yada"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pbrNJE-qn","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"post_mailing_queue_ids":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1635","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1635"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1635\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1637,"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1635\/revisions\/1637"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1635"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1635"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1635"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}