{"id":1613,"date":"2023-05-24T09:18:37","date_gmt":"2023-05-24T09:18:37","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/?p=1613"},"modified":"2023-05-24T09:18:42","modified_gmt":"2023-05-24T09:18:42","slug":"smoke-rings","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/smoke-rings\/1613\/","title":{"rendered":"Smoke Rings"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

I take a drag, the nicotine hit combined with the rush of seeing you again proving a heady concoction. My legs twitch with such an urgency to run that I fear they\u2019ll carry me down the hill, unbidden, towards you. I force myself to remain seated, hidden from view.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You\u2019re smoking now too, leaning against our tree, our connection as natural as thunder and lightning. I can\u2019t believe you\u2019re there. In the place we said we\u2019d meet in twenty years\u2019 time if things hadn\u2019t worked out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

I close my eyes and I\u2019m back there, smoke mingling with the smell of bins as I crouched, puffing at my cigarette, neck craned to check Max hadn\u2019t followed me. My little secret. The other being my doubts about marrying him. Which was problematic because we were at the venue, booking our wedding.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYou too, huh?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And there you were, the hotel\u2019s logo emblazoned across your shirt, eyes meeting mine through the flame of your lighter. You inhaled, drawing me in with the smoke, then sat beside me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYou scared me!\u201d I said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You grinned and blew two smoke rings into the air like wedding bands, slowly fading away.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI always sneak out here on my break,\u201d you said eventually. \u201cNo-one knows I smoke.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I stubbed my cigarette out on the concrete. \u201cSame. My fianc\u00e9 would explode if he knew.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You raised an eyebrow. \u201cSecrets already? Doesn\u2019t bode well. I\u2019m Eddie.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You held out your hand.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cLouise,\u201d I said, taking it. My hand continued to buzz long after we\u2019d let go.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then without warning, you jumped up and pulled me to my feet, cigarette dangling from your lips. \u201cLet\u2019s get out of here!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhat? I\u2019m booking my wedding. You\u2019re working. We can\u2019t!\u201d I laughed the last word and we broke into a run, down the hill towards that tree you\u2019re under now. I\u2019d never felt freer. And as we sat, smoking and talking, I wished you could make the life I\u2019d set out for myself disappear like smoke.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I made some excuse about getting lost. Max was angry. He always was. I\u2019d convinced myself that it was my fault. If I could just be better, just try harder, just\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Soon I had another guilty secret. You. A year of cigarette breaks from reality beneath that tree. Best moments of my life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cDon\u2019t do it,\u201d you said that morning as we said goodbye. My wedding morning, twenty years ago today.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But I was too afraid.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Max didn\u2019t get any less angry. They never do. I understand that now, years of therapy later. I stalked you on Facebook after I left him, of course. You looked happy with your family.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why have you come? I\u2019d only ruin your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I stand to take the last drag of my cigarette, just as your head turns. I freeze.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Your voice carries up the hill. \u201cLouise!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You start running.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I blow two smoke rings into the air. They\u2019ll be gone before you get here. As will I.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I run.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I take a drag, the nicotine hit combined with the rush of seeing you again proving a heady concoction. My legs twitch with such an urgency to run that I fear they\u2019ll carry me down the hill, unbidden, towards you. I force myself to remain seated, hidden from view. You\u2019re smoking now too, leaning against […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"rop_custom_images_group":[],"rop_custom_messages_group":[],"rop_publish_now":"initial","rop_publish_now_accounts":{"facebook_10158782359051062_103813597863211":"","twitter_1225722811282530305_1225722811282530305":""},"rop_publish_now_history":[],"rop_publish_now_status":"pending","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[695,734],"tags":[759,631,763,13,12,103,128,568,761,762,9,758,191,760,72],"class_list":["post-1613","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-695","category-may-2023-commitment","tag-cigarette","tag-down","tag-hill","tag-me","tag-my","tag-our","tag-out","tag-re","tag-rings","tag-run","tag-said","tag-smoke","tag-there","tag-wedding","tag-your"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pbrNJE-q1","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"post_mailing_queue_ids":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1613","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1613"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1613\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1616,"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1613\/revisions\/1616"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1613"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1613"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1613"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}