Anna peered at the ugly gnome in the elegant London house’s garden.\nWhat’s that doing there?’ She smiled at her fianc\u00e9, eyebrows raised. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Whatever\nyou do, say nothing negative about that gnome. \nIt’s Mother’s pride and joy; I\u2019m only second-best.’ <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018I think\nyou’re perfect, darling.\u2019 Anna was raising herself on tiptoe to exchange a kiss\nwhen the front door opened. Framed in\nthe doorway stood a tiny, grey-haired lady.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n
\u2018I\nsee you’re admiring wee Alistair,’ she purred, then changing her tone, ‘introduce me, Hector’. Like a naughty\nschoolboy Hector pulled away from Anna.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Mother,\nmay I present my fianc\u00e9e Anna. Anna, my mother, Lady Fiona Carstairs.’<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Lady\nFiona led them past a row of framed portraits of a blond, blue-eyed boy, then\nswept them into the drawing room. Whilst they were sipped Earl Grey she attacked again. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Alistair\nand I have been longing to meet you, Anna. How did you meet Hector?’<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sweat\npearled on Anna\u2019s forehead. She scalded her throat with a mouthful of tea to\ngive herself time to think.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2019At\nuniversity,’ she whispered. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Lady\nFiona expertly probed her on her prospects and family background. Shortly after Hector rose to his feet and kissed\nhis mother’s cheek.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Please\nexcuse us, Mother. We have an urgent appointment with the Careers Advisor.’<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Tell\nme about that ghastly garden gnome?’ begged Anna as soon as they exited the\ngate.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018My\nolder brother Alistair was mother’s favourite, he bought that gnome for her\nbirthday when he was seven. Tragically he died of pneumonia shortly after. Mother\u2019s\nnever recovered. She deteriorated after\nFather died two years ago and I inherited the title. She\u2019s convinced Alistair lives inside the gnome. Sometimes people hear her\ntalking to it as though it were alive.\u2019 <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Anna\nscrutinised the ugly gnome on all their subsequent visits, half-fearful that\nshe too would hear Alistair\u2019s voice. \nTime rushed past until their wedding. \nLady Fiona had steamrollered their wishes for a quiet family do,\ninsisting on Westminster Abbey. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
After\nthe wedding bride and groom left for their new home on the lonely island of Lundy, where Hector had accepted the\npost of warden. Rough seas made access\nto Lundy difficult for much of the year; hopefully the isolation would keep\nthem safe from his mother. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018The\nonly things in our garden will be sheep,\u2019 promised Hector as they stumbled\nuphill to their cliff-top home. \u2019Just think, Anna, we\u2019ve escaped, no more\ngrisly garden gnomes to keep reminding us of my perfect older brother. No more\ntitles. We can simply be Hector and Anna here, none of that anachronistic\nnonsense.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Next\nday the weekly mail boat arrived at the island. \nThe only item a bulky parcel\naddressed to Sir Hector and Lady Carstairs, Wardens of Lundy, so much for\nanonymity. Hector stripped away the\npadding to reveal the obscene leer of the garish garden gnome. \u2018Dear Anna and Hector\u2019 read the note \u2018I\u2019m\nsending my dearest possession; please cherish it until I take up residence on\nLundy next week. Mother.\u2019<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Anna peered at the ugly gnome in the elegant London house’s garden. What’s that doing there?’ She smiled at her fianc\u00e9, eyebrows raised. \u2018Whatever you do, say nothing negative about that gnome. It’s Mother’s pride and joy; I\u2019m only second-best.’ \u2018I think you’re perfect, darling.\u2019 Anna was raising herself on tiptoe to exchange […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"rop_custom_images_group":[],"rop_custom_messages_group":[],"rop_publish_now":"initial","rop_publish_now_accounts":{"facebook_10158782359051062_103813597863211":"","twitter_1225722811282530305_1225722811282530305":""},"rop_publish_now_history":[],"rop_publish_now_status":"pending","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2,75],"tags":[88],"class_list":["post-151","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-2","category-september","tag-moving"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pbrNJE-2r","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"post_mailing_queue_ids":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/151","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=151"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/151\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":152,"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/151\/revisions\/152"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=151"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=151"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=151"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}