{"id":1172,"date":"2022-04-22T08:10:37","date_gmt":"2022-04-22T08:10:37","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/?p=1172"},"modified":"2022-04-22T08:10:47","modified_gmt":"2022-04-22T08:10:47","slug":"the-magic-of-auto-correction","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/the-magic-of-auto-correction\/1172\/","title":{"rendered":"The Magic of Auto-correction"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Hubert was struggling. Progress on the Business Improvement Plan requested, rather mandated, by the Directors of News Wales Live Radio was tortuous. Analytics had diagnosed a 25%\u00a0 audience fall -off after the third quarter- hour. Perhaps change the bumper music. Done. Replace the liner front-selling the next guest…. possible. Could be a one hour programme was simply too long. Rearranging the playlist would address the former. The latter was frightening, heralding a possible cut to his hours and a corresponding reduction in salary. With the legally- enforceable\u00a0 encumbrances of 3 ex-partners and 7 children to support, a Bentley Meteor to maintain and fuel, plus his 10 tank collection of non-native reptiles and amphibians to feed, house and heat, Hubert had decisions to make. He compiled a list of friends and professional acquaintances and started.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

Hi Jerome. How’s the transport business?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hubert man. Great to hear from you. All welk. I’ve just devoured a baby in my cab.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

WTF! Meaning?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Delivered. I’ve just delivered a baby in my cab. All is well…. not welk. Nothing fishy<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I need some pointers for  improving my work-life balance? Work is taking over. Not in a good way. Suggestions?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Change your job like I did ? Buy a fuck? I’m eating Barry this evening. He sells vehicles now. I’ll ask. Get a good price.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jerome had always been the weirdest, and crudest, of his ex-colleagues. Hubert, hit delete, then block.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No, Truck NO! not fuck, I’m meetingBarry. No cannibalism here! Jerome’s response was unseen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Raj, listed second, was one of those IT whizzes.They had re-connected at a mutual colleagues’ leaving-do. No longer cast as a pre-pubescent Pentagon computer hacker , he was now a nearing-retirement, 65 year old complete with whisky and butter-chicken pot-belly, and a few ginger strands of henna-ed hair struggling from beneath a tartan beret.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Raj. You free? I need IT help with my programme format. URGENT !<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The 3-part response was slow.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Be ringing me! Difficult to cope up with the text. I am having the broken finger. It got stuck in my butthole.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Buckle.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Not knowing how to off turn auto-erection. Auto-correction.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

All useless! Hubert was on the verge of admitting defeat when the name of his ex-producer Siobhan jumped out, magically illuminated.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He activated his mobile’s voice-to-text icon.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hube the Herper here.<\/em>  They had a shared interest in herpetology. Her speciality was snakes: his, lizards and salamanders.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

     I need your vice.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

My vice? Long time asking Hube!<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sorry, sorry. ADvice.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sammy the Snake in mouse overdose again? Try genital manipulation. Worked last time<\/p>\n\n\n\n

OMG! Gentle, gentle.  This  auto-correction makes me ****ing dick<\/p>\n\n\n\n

SICK! SICK!<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

ME not Sammy. Got to improve ratings.  I’ll get the push if I don’t. Can we meet? I’m desperate.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

They discussed at his, over the salamander tank. One suggestion, the blog on auto-correction errors, exploded. Within a month advertising revenue had reached \u00a36000. Hubert submitted his resignation to News Wales Live Radio. Siobhan, snakes and 6 extra tanks moved in.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Hubert was struggling. Progress on the Business Improvement Plan requested, rather mandated, by the Directors of News Wales Live Radio was tortuous. Analytics had diagnosed a 25%\u00a0 audience fall -off after the third quarter- hour. Perhaps change the bumper music. Done. Replace the liner front-selling the next guest…. possible. Could be a one hour programme […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"rop_custom_images_group":[],"rop_custom_messages_group":[],"rop_publish_now":"initial","rop_publish_now_accounts":{"facebook_10158782359051062_103813597863211":"","twitter_1225722811282530305_1225722811282530305":""},"rop_publish_now_history":[],"rop_publish_now_status":"pending","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[597,618],"tags":[95,620,11],"class_list":["post-1172","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-597","category-magic","tag-had","tag-hubert","tag-was"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pbrNJE-iU","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"post_mailing_queue_ids":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1172","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1172"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1172\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1174,"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1172\/revisions\/1174"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1172"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1172"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1172"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}