{"id":1116,"date":"2022-02-14T11:27:48","date_gmt":"2022-02-14T11:27:48","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/?p=1116"},"modified":"2022-02-14T11:29:32","modified_gmt":"2022-02-14T11:29:32","slug":"things-arent-what-they-seem","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/things-arent-what-they-seem\/1116\/","title":{"rendered":"Things aren\u2019t what they seem"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

The Austerik Muminsim are an ancient race, who emerged from the quark aggregation taking place just millionths of a second after the big bang, so they aren\u2019t exactly matter, but they really DO matter.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A lot.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

They allowed nuclei to form, which also permitted everything else to happen, like stars and galaxies forming. So, it was a surprise when I was asked to meet them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How do you \u201cmeet\u201d an entity with no physical dimensions existing simultaneously in all places and times?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I got an invitation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

It popped up on my screen as I was trying to sort out an arcane problem for my boss\u2019s gorgeous secretary. I was just getting to grasp with her document\u2019s formatting, which seemed to defy logical expectations, when a notification slid from the side of the screen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWe invite you to meet with Tribulate Onk of the Austerik Muminsim.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThe who of the what?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThe Austerik Muminsim,\u201d replied my computer, it went on, \u201care an ancient race\u201d etcetera.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYou have 12 seconds to prepare for transport,\u201d it concluded.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I grabbed one of my ham sandwiches and waited for my nemesis, Fatboy Wallis to burst in laughing. Instead, everything turned a funny shade of blue and I found myself sitting at another desk, which was on a domed platform in orbit around a green sun. Now, as anyone with an interest in astronomy knows, there are no green suns.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHello,\u201d said a voice, \u201cI\u2019m Tribulate Onk.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I couldn\u2019t see anyone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYou can\u2019t see me,\u201d said the voice. \u201cI\u2019m everywhere. I\u2019ll give you an avatar.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A screen rose out of the desk and the face of Ian McKellen as Gandalf appeared on it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cFriendly enough?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019ll do,\u201d I replied. \u201cWhat do you want? Where am I?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cGood,\u201d he said, \u201cget it out of your system. I think I should say, we come in peace, or some such.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWe have selected you to help with an intractable problem,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cME to help YOU?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYes, local knowledge.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cGo on.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWell, I train AIs for a living. Yes, they\u2019re born empty.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cBorn?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNot like you. An AI calves some code and a baby AI is thrust into the world. They\u2019re quite cute.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cSo, what do you want me to do?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWe need you to help with this one. We call it Earth.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Another screen appeared with a picture of the Earth on it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It said, \u201cHey man, how\u2019re you doing?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThat\u2019s where I\u2019m from.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cExactly,\u201d he said. \u201cIt\u2019s going through some issues. We want you to help it become a productive member of the galactic community.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cBut the Earth is a planet, with people and industry and stuff. It can\u2019t be an AI.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYes,\u201d he intoned, \u201cthings aren\u2019t exactly what they seem. Are you in?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I nodded, and that\u2019s how I came to be the absolute ruler of Earth, gave Fatboy Wallis an acute case of flatulence, and married the boss\u2019s secretary. Life is good at last. But things, as Onk says, aren\u2019t quite what they seem.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The Austerik Muminsim are an ancient race, who emerged from the quark aggregation taking place just millionths of a second after the big bang, so they aren\u2019t exactly matter, but they really DO matter. A lot. They allowed nuclei to form, which also permitted everything else to happen, like stars and galaxies forming. So, it […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"rop_custom_images_group":[],"rop_custom_messages_group":[],"rop_publish_now":"initial","rop_publish_now_accounts":{"facebook_10158782359051062_103813597863211":"","twitter_1225722811282530305_1225722811282530305":""},"rop_publish_now_history":[],"rop_publish_now_status":"pending","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[597,610],"tags":[124,12,118],"class_list":["post-1116","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-597","category-things-arent-what-they-seem","tag-do","tag-my","tag-they"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pbrNJE-i0","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"post_mailing_queue_ids":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1116","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1116"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1116\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1119,"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1116\/revisions\/1119"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1116"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1116"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.swanseawriterscircle.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1116"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}