Kevin Bentley is an evil, soulless wretch, and has caused me nothing but pain, misery and utter suicidal despair.
We were once (I thought) best friends. I remember the first day of school, a frightened Kevin stood all alone in the corner of the playground and only I cared enough to talk to him. Our first few years of friendship were great, we would hang out at each other’s homes, sit next to each other in class, share our toys and video games but alas then puberty arrived and although it was remorseless to me, (my nickname was pizza face) it transformed the runty Kevin into an adonis, and that’s when his utter cruelty began.
No more would he answer my calls; no more would he come round my house or even bother to talk to me. No, no he hung out with the popular crowd, and I, his former best friend was treated as if I were nothing but a flake of dead skin!
Like all red-blooded males, I began to notice the fairer sex around this time and thus it was that I fell hopelessly in love with my own Madonna, only to realize this girl was nothing but a heartless Jezebel when I saw her making out with Kevin! Thanks to Kevin’s insurmountable betrayal I lost all nerve to talk to girls ever again.
That wasn’t the worst moment, oh no. I can recall the fateful day, catching sight of him and his sycophantic friends at McDonald’s, and I thought it would be nice to introduce myself to them, but they, rather than greet me in warm welcome, all glared at me in utter disgust.
One girl called me Fatso, not caring that my weight of 300 pounds counted as a disability, one boy said, “Jeez pal, shower, why don’t you?” Well guess what you vile ape? Nobody is obligated to wash for you because the world doesn’t revolve around your nose!
And I was completely stupefied, that Kevin sat by and let these vultures slice open my body and suckle on my very marrow. Didn’t our years of friendship mean nothing to him?
“Kevin,” I sobbed “I thought we were friends!”
He rose up and said “Dude, this is pathetic, nobody invited you, nobody likes you, please leave.”
I ran away in tears then, for all of my cherished memories of Kevin were now dust and even though not a day goes by when I don’t think of him, I feel only a burning hatred for that heartless fiend.
Let this be a lesson to you all, love, and trust no one. Because you never ever know when a monster like Kevin Bentley will destroy your very soul!
