Prison counsellor Richard Wilson peered through thick lens glasses at prisoner Wilf Watts, a small scrawny old man with a full head of silver hair, his eyes appearing open and honest. Wilf had been sentenced to four years for offences that lead to him being a local hero within the prison. Leaning forward Richard asked, ‘Would you like to explain the circumstances that led to you being here, Wilf?’
Wilf settled back in the armchair, thinking for a moment: ”It’s like this, you see my wife died last year. Wonderful women she was, my Margey. We were married for over forty years, she did everything for me. Sold our home as I couldn’t live there without her, bought myself one of those mobile homes and travelled all over. It is what she wanted. Found it a bit lonely to be honest. Then some bugger stole it, I lost everything and had a hard time getting even a little bedsit. The police were useless, didn’t do a thing, the insurance company gave me the runaround.
One morning talking to Alexa, wonderful gadget, found out lots of history and things, I asked about the law. I started looking at prison life. It looked very sociable, got me thinking and the dye was set.
Next morning I got myself down to the local nick, checked out the cars in the car park. Saw a cracking Jaguar, always wanted one, and some idiot had left the keys in the ignition so climbed in and took off. How was I to know it was some bigwig in the force? Stayed off the motorways, decided to drive up to Blackpool, hadn’t been for years. Lovely motor to drive, managed to trigger every speed camera on the way. Had a wonderful few days driving around the lakes, ended up in Liverpool. Was going to leave it there but some guy in the pub where I was staying needed someone to deliver a parcel to Manchester. Now I’m not daft, I knew it was probably something dodgy but what the heck, he paid my bill and a hundred pounds.
Made sure my prints weren’t on it, and had to meet some guy in a multistorey car park .That’s where it all went wrong. Apparently they were watching the guy. I opened the boot for him next thing I’m on the ground with armed police standing over me. When they questioned me, I couldn’t tell them anything. Later in the cells dozens of them kept looking in on me and laughing. They’d heard it was a chief inspector’s car, apparently he was livid . Too right; he will be getting tickets for months. Because of the parcel here I am.
Richard looked at him trying not to laugh: ”Do you regret any of it Wilf?”
”I have my perfect life here, always someone to talk to all my meals cooked for me. It’s almost as good as life with Margy, though without the you know what .”
