There have been a number of striking changes in the parallel world known as Fairyland over the last century. Two have been a dropping of dress codes for fairies, and the admission of a number of affiliates, including fairy-adjacent beings and proxy fairies. This loosening of moorings can be illustrated by the raging controversy over Cinderella’s coach being formed from a perfectly edible pumpkin which led to the retiring of the title of Fairy Godmother.
Under new management, the Fairy College has now abolished its single sex entry policy and welcomes overseas fairies with open arms and swelling coffers. This has led to a broader and more diverse approach to the curriculum.
On the science side, there are experiments with teleportation – inspired by the VC’s fondness for Star Trek- although this may never completely replace wings. It’s all getting very modern.
A key international conference (Gift or Wish: Doing Good or Encouraging Indulgence?) took place in Cartagena in 1967. A first dispute, which served as an icebreaker, was around grammar:
‘You can’t use gift as a verb, fool’
‘Course you can. ‘A verb is a doing word’. What is giving a gift but doing something’
‘Yes, but the verb is giving, gift is the noun. Gifting is a made-up thing humans say and it’s just WRONG.’
[etc. ad nauseum, until Security intervened to prevent bloodshed ]
Of the serious conference papers, one has ricocheted through Fairyland since its presentation. Ffaye Friffelwort, in her passionate plenary address, laid out a cogent analysis of differences between giving gifts and granting wishes. As a conclusion she argued:
‘ The giving of a gift – beauty, wealth, long life – is traditional in Fairy lore. It is a kindness or a reward. It is what fairies have always been known and loved for. However, to grant a wish, or worse 3 wishes, is to bestow a responsibility which may well be inadvertently harmful to the recipient. Let us be on the side of the gift giver rather than the wish granter.’
Hands shot up, and a lively discussion ensued until a rumble of boots and a low menacing chant could be heard approaching the conference hall. In marched a contingent of fairies wearing tiny Doc Martens and carrying loud hailers.
‘So, Ffaye Ffriffelwort, you want to stop us granting wishes, you don’t trust people to use their wishes properly, you…..’
Ffaye stood up and raised her wand:
‘I grant each of the Doc Marten contingent a wish. Use it well’.
Chaos soon broke out as the aggressive contingent jostled to give one another two heads or make pots of gold which were then fought over.
Ffaye stood again:
‘I give you the gift of returning to the way you were before you started using your wishes to do harm’.
Then she turned to the audience:
‘I rest my case. It is far safer to give a gift than to grant a wish’.
She was given a long standing ovation as the Doc Marten crowd crept away sheepishly.
