Borstad McSingewad focuses. He feels uncomfortable talking to holographic jurors, despite it being years since the Jury Security Act passed, but out of habit, he walks to the jury display.
“Binaries and nonbinaries of the jury, Jonathan Blurt, is accused under the Third-Party Liability Act of responsibility for the actions of his putative grandfather, a murderer convicted in-absentia,” he says.
“The prosecution alleges he would not exist had his grandfather, Aloysius, been convicted of his crimes. They say Aloysius couldn’t have impregnated his wife, Berenice, because of his incarceration. The prosecution has tried to establish a Prima Facie case denying my client’s right to exist.”
“Their case rests upon DNA records, which, as you all know, have been compulsory in the UK since 2032,” he says as he walks over to pick up his eGo Tablet. Then, pointing at a document on the screen, he continues.
“We’re happy with DNA evidence, though, because we established Aloysius was not the sole bearer of his genetic profile.”
“He was a monozygotic twin. His twin, Anthony Zabaglione, was indentured to an organised crime family to pay gambling debts. This proves that another man could be Blurt’s grandfather. That wouldn’t alter the probabilities, except we have Berenice Blurt’s journal, which I submit into evidence.”
“Let me read some excerpts.”
‘June 1st. Aloysius is out again. We have had no marital relations for months. Cessy says I should have an affair, but with whom?’
“Then we turn to her entry of June 12th.”
‘I met a man in town, an Anthony Zabaglione, who looks just like Aloysius. When I pointed this out, he proved to be charming and invited me to his apartment for tea. He is a perfect gentleman. I practically had to throw myself at him. He is, happily, a gentleman in the sheets too.’
“Finally, July 14th.”
‘I’m late. I will have to engage in coitus with Aloysius to cover it up.’
“This doesn’t so much dent the prosecution’s case as throw it in the dustbin and pour cat litter on it. Move to dismiss.”
The jury quickly dismisses the charges.
“Well, now you’ve proved I’m not Aloysius’s grandson, it means my inheritance is void,” Blurt says as they leave the court. “And I don’t know how I’m going to pay your fees.”
“Don’t worry,” McSingewad replies. “Your grandfather took over the crime syndicate, and you are heir to the Zabaglione gazillions. I am familiar with the Zabagliones, having successfully defended them, and they’ve made an offer. I have sent it to your eGo.”
“Gazillions, you say?” Blurt says. “Tell him I accept his generous offer and look forward to meeting up at his convenience.”
“Good chap,” says McSingewad. He types into his eGo. “All done, Mr Blurt, or should I say, Zabaglione? You are now very wealthy. Do you fancy a beer? We can discuss my additional fees for facilitating your inheritance.”
“I’d like that very much.” Jonathan Zabaglione smiles and waves a hand to let his barrister lead the way.
